1. Recognize what is stressful
It is easy to dismiss the stress by saying that it is just something that always happens and it is not a big deal even though you are upset. So tell yourself, “Boy I had a difficult morning.  I did not like that my son did not get ready on time….”. You cannot deal with the issue until you recognize that it exists.

2. Relaxation exercise of your choice
When we humans were more primitive, stress was a warning sign for getting ready to strike back. So we fight back when we feel threatened.  When you are angry, it is difficult to think calmly. You become defensive or argumentative. You may hurt somebody you love by blaming him/her or become aggressive to defend yourself. Your thinking brain has shut down and you can not think through the situation calmly.
So if you are driving, take deep and slow breathes, several times. Your tight body becomes more relaxed. Your thinking brain needs to be reactivated. Come up with different ways to deal with stress, such as daily exercise, a hobby, laughing with friends, taking a bath etc. We are all different, you need to figure out what helps you most to be calm and relaxed. 

3. Are there any solutions for the reoccurring stress?
If your child has a difficult time getting ready for school every morning, then when you both are calm, talk to each other for problem solving. Does your child need to go to bed earlier? Does he/she like school? Maybe he does not want to school. Why? Maybe he can not focus on the daily routine and has trouble following through the daily routine. You can consult with  his/her teacher.

4. Review the stress source and think if there is a better way to think about it. The danger of “Should”
The easiest way to stress yourself is to have an inflexible believe system, believing in “should be this way” thinking. For instance, in this story, if you believe that your child intentionally tries to irritate you, you tell yourself that when you were a child, you were more obedient with your parents. “She should be more respectful to her parents.”, ” The city should fix the highway.”,  “I should be working closer to my house.” All those “shoulds” are your worst enemies.

5. Admit your mistake
This is a hard one. You don’t want to be wrong so somebody else should be blamed for the problem. That, of course, gets you nowhere. But when you admit when you were angry and apologize sincerely, your relationships usually improve significantly.

If you would like to improve your relationships with somebody you love, think about growing Garlic!

While most people in the Pacific Northwest think the summer is over and vegetable gardening ended till next spring, I began preparing for garlic planting.

I prepare nitrogen rich soil by growing cover crops (fava beans) in the spring and summer, and add more organic fertilizer and till the soil for planting. I buy or recycle the garlic from the previous season and plant the cloves in early October.  There are so many different kind of  garlic and each tastes very different. Garlic grows over winter and I fertilize with kelp and fish fertilizer in Spring. Harvesting season is between June and July. So Garlic needs 9 to 10 months to be harvested. There are no shortcuts. There are many rules, when to fertilize and stop watering to grown big garlic. Even though I treat all garlic plants equally, some grow big and some do not.

1. It takes some time to have good long term relationships

2. You have to take care to create a nurturing environment with love and tenderness. It is not one time deal. You need to keep nurturing.

3. Sometimes even when you provide a good environment, your loved one may not thrive like others because he/she is unique.

4. Like eating garlic, which tastes good, but maybe your breath smells bad later; our relationships also have ups and downs. We take the bad with the good.  We accept that we all have bad days and try to come up with solutions for the problems. Love and garlic are both definitely good for your health.

About three months after I joined the Facebook, I still check Facebook regularly and post photos sometimes. Why do I do that? Because I would like to have a Like button for my self and want people to pay attention to me!

While a few people post negative comments and start fights on their facebook walls, most people casually click the Like button for the comments and photos. There are no Dislike or Hate buttons. You simply ignore the comment if you do not like it. And I can say most of us like the Like button.

Now think how often do you use the Like button in your life.  I have to admit it is so easy to use the dislike button by complaining, nagging, and pointing out faults.  If you would like somebody to change his/her behavior, you must recognize people; kids, spouses and coworkers, when they make good choices. Praising is a key factor but many people find it is extremely difficult to notice when somebody around them does good things. I hear people say when someone does a thing right that those people are just doing what they are supposed to do, why do I have to point it out or praise them.

Think about how Facebook is still growing. I think the Like button is the one of most powerful tools of the social network.

Construction paper
Leaves to trace
Tempera Paint; red, yellow, brown, green and orange
Sponge, best to use sponge brush for stencil, it is small and has a handle
Paper plate
Pencils/Sharpie for tracing leaves
Scissors
Scotch clear tape

1. Trace leaves of various shapes with a Sharpie or a pencil

2. Color the leaves with a sponge and tempera paint. You will cut out the leaves after dried, so make sure the traced lines are dark enough to see after tempera stamping.

3. Cut off the leaves. You will need 15-2o leaves to create a wreath

4. Cut out the inside of a paper plate and tape the ring on the back of the leaves with clear scotch tape.

One of my Japanese friend commented that she was shocked as well that American kids can smoke openly in front of the school and used to be able to smoke in the schools. Yes, Japanese sell cigarets in the vending machines in Japan. Until recently kids were able to buy  the cigarets if they wanted. Now the vending machines ask you to show your ID! However interestingly Japanese kids used not to smoke as much.  Maybe the easy access to cigarets discouraged teens to smoke. If you don’t have to challenge the authority, why we break the law?

I grew up at the home that smoking was not allowed. My father used to demand his coworkers to quite smoking. I do not like a smell of cigarets and my grandfather died from lung cancer. I hated working at the office where people smoked. My throat was irritated by second hand smoke. So I love that nobody is allowed to smoke at the restaurants here. I thought Americans are  health conscious and fewer and fewer people smoke. Nobody smokes in TV shows and no cigarets advertisement is allowed any more. You only see the nicotine medication advertisement on T.V. HOWEVER, it is OK to kids to smoke according to the school? Or it is not their responsibility as far as kids smoke outside of the school and kids have rights to smoke? I am not sure if all kids are 18 year old either…

When I used to work for Drug/alcohol treatment center in Brooklyn, NY , my clients used to say cigarets is one of hardest substance to quit. While our first lady advocate for healthy eating, her husband still seems to smoke.

Then a mother who is also a first generation immigrant quoted this provocative phrase from the book and talked to me about how important it is to make her children tough to survive in this country.

Western parents try to respect their children’s  individuality, encouraging them to pursue their true passions and providing a nurturing environment. The Chinese believes that the best way to protect your children is by preparing them for the future and arming them with skills, strong work habits and inner confidence.

While many mainstream Americans were outraged by Chua’s demanding, controlling and often seemingly verbally abusive parenting styles, this immigrant mother who is not Asian and who is very successful, agreed with Chua’s parenting style.  I decided to read Chua’s book to find out how she is wrong!

Instead, I found that I liked the book! It is not because I am an Asian and a first generation immigrant. According to Chua, she found her styles could be found in Chinese and Korean parenting but not in Japanese!  I think I found what was missing when I was raising my child. He was raised in an American way. He had many play dates and sleep overs regularly. He was pampered with video games, and plays many sports. He was good at playing the flute, but gave up other instruments very easily after not practicing at all. When he was younger, I thought he had a lot of potential. I saw a diamond in the rough. The truth is his diamond is still not polished, wasted by many thousand dollars spent on a million hours of leisure time.

Despite her provocative and condescending writing style, what I found most important is how much she actually spend time with her children. She goes to her daughters’ piano and violin lessons with them. She writes down and memorizes what the instructors were teaching and when she came home she reinforces that her daughters practice what they are supposed to for at least 2 hours. She leaves notes behind when she is not able to be home during their practice time. For those of you who practice classical music instruments, practicing for two hours is not a lot. You need to practice and practice in order to master the skills and music. On top of the instrument practice, her daughters are expected to have straight A grades.  Obviously they do not have time for play dates and sleep overs. However,  she believes in her daughters and determines to help them to succeed.

When American mainstream parents let children have sleepovers, is it for the children to socialize or for parents to have a break from the children? Do we really spend enough time and energy to raise our children? Raising children with independent minds may be too much relying on each child’s underdeveloped judgment. Very young children in America are allowed to participate in decisions that have huge effects on thier lives. 

Chau’s daughters are also surrounded by their dad and grandparents in addition to their drill sargeant mother. They can criticize their mother and one of them rebelled against the mother’s method. They seems to have a balanced environment.  When my mother was upset at me when I did not practice piano, I always loved to escape to be with my grandmother. I hear frequently one parent complain how the other is spoiling their children. As long as the parents do not disagree and argue about their parenting styles in front of their children, the children often benefit from the different kinds of support from each adult.

So we need to ask ourselves. Are we spending enough time and energy to raise our children? Are we too much focused on our own needs and just hopeing the kids will grow independent without investing enough of our time?

1. In the Pacific Northwest, you can grow vegetables which like cool weather from spring to early summer. Peas, Lettuce, cabbage, broccoli, mustard and radish are easiest to plant between March and June. See the chart Vegetable Garden in the Pacific Northwest. You can not grow those vegetables starting in Spring in some other places because  it gets too hot.

2.You can plant peas and spinach as early as March for an early summer crop. My chart indicates you could plant as early as February but some years you may lose crops to unexpected cold weather in February.

3. When you are growing heat loving vegetables, such as tomatoes, cucumbers and peppers, you should transplant the small plants between the middle of May and June. Even then, you may still lose some of plants due to unexpected cool weather.

4. Summer/winter squash and pumpkins grow well by planting seeds directly between May and June.

5. Snap beans, summer squash and cherry tomatoes are probably the easiest to grow during the cool summer in Pacific North West.

6. My biggest enemies are slugs. You can grow over winter vegetables  such as broccoli, Brussels sprouts, and over winter cabbage  but I found it seems more like growing slug food during our rainy but mild winters.

7. Last year, I blogged about my garlic. The garlic plants need to overwinter, so wait till autumn to plant. If you have already planted garlic last fall, you should fertilize the plants in early spring.

Happy Gardening!

Things you need: Watercolor paper, brushes of various sizes, water can, paint palette, and liquid water color. You can substitute dry water colors in palette or other water color in tubes.

Where to buy liquid water colors Discount School Supply,and Dick and Blick Each color cost less than $3.00

What you can do Using brushes of various sizes, you blend liquid water color on the water color paper. Add more water using wide brushes. Watch how the colors blend together and make different shapes.

You can also use coffee filters. Fold the filter and dip into liquid water color and drip thinner water color onto the filter.